...For Peace

For reasons beyond comprehension, Joe Jackson and his wife have gained temporary custody of Michael Jackson's children. Now to say nothing of the fact that I wouldn't trust Joe Jackson with a Tamagotchi or a Furby, I have to protest this custody decision because it will destroy any chances of fostering peace between us and: Iran, North Korea, and the Middle East.

How do you ask? I'll direct your attention to DC comics' Fourth World, where enemies, Darkseid of Apokalips and Highfather of New Genesis, traded their sons in an attempt to foster peace between their warring worlds. Up until the custody decision, I was preparing to humbly propose that we trade: Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket to Kim Jong Il, Osama Bin Laden, and that guy from Iran whose name I will definitely spell wrong, for three kids of theirs.

Now I know what you are thinking, "But Jimmy, the Princes and Princess of Pop are destined to become musical gods that our enemies will surely exploit and use against us."

Yes. Yes they will. These children are destined to become the musical messiah, or harmonic hellions depending on their upbringing. But this is only step one of my plan....

Peace was never our real goal, it is annihilation. Now as the children are paraded around, and groomed to be the leaders of our enemy nations. We will train a covert team of assassins that I like to call, The Axis of Vengeance. Taking the three children we traded for, we will slowly brainwash and program them from the moment they are given to us, molding them into the most dangerous and deadly assassins this world has ever seen.

They will have to be deaf. This is a precaution, to protect them from the music that the Jackson 3 can and will create. If they hear the insidious and inspired melodies that these Pop Pariahs produce, we are all finished. These silent killers can only know the sound of justice as the blades of their laser swords sear through the flesh of our enemies. They will be silent shadows who kill as god does, swiftly and without bias.... only with bias because they work for us, and not so swiftly always because sometimes dudes need to be tortured.

I know what you are thinking, why not just give Joe Jackson the kids? Why not, NOT trade these kids, and prevent ever having to train such deadly-deaf-death-dealers. Won't we save more people that way.

The answer is: No. The best way to crush someone, is by giving them their hearts desires, and then taking them away. They don't want nuclear armaments, or the destruction of Israel, they want the next King of Pop! These nations starve for pop royalty!

If we give this to them, then crush them with their own hubris, I guarantee that no one will ever dare fuck with the U.S. of A. EVER AGAIN!

-It Doesn't Matter If You're Wrong Or Right....


This will be the blog that get me on the NSA watch list...I promise this is all a joke.