Smile Like You Mean It

So Marvel and DC both are trying to market to a younger audience since their current audience is (mostly) middle-aged, fat, and fickle. I think it's admirable, but they may want to re-think some of the characters they are trying to push.

Punisher, "I'm gonna shoot your nuts off kids!!"

The Punisher?! Really? Rule of Thumb: Black t-shirts with SKULLS on them are NEVER "kid-friendly!" Not EVER EVER!

"Here son play with Frank Castle, the Punisher."

"Whose he daddy?"

"Well Timmy, Frank was a daddy too, until his wife and kids were brutally murdered right before his eyes. Since that day he has sworn vengeance upon all the wicked and cruel people of this world. Now Frank hunts and kills drug dealers, murderers and rapists, all the while wishing he had one more day with his family."

"WOW, I'm gonna go play murderer and vigilante with the kids down the block!"

"Have Fun Kiddo."

Somehow, that doesn't seem to work. Also, as a side note, look how happy Frank is to be pointing that gun right at your face.

Other Characters I have seen Cute-inized:

• The Red Skull- A NAZI?!?! You want your kid playing with a Nazi?

Red Skull : With Super-Aryan Zeig Hail action!

• Galactus- HE EATS PLANETS! He destroys entire societies and cultures for breakfast! LITERALLY!

Galactus - "Hey Kids! I'll suck the life out of your planet like marrow from the bone!"

• Dr. Doom - His name alone is not Kid-Friendly, not to mention that he is an evil dictator who rules his people with an iron fist. Don't teach your kids Communism, teach them good old-fashioned Totalitarianism.
• Apocalypse - Do I really need to say anything here?
  
• Wolverine - I get it, he's Wolverine, but even he is a bit questionable. Is this anger-filled mass murderer really a role-model?
• Deadpool - Wade Wilson is bat-shit Loco and a shameless murderer. Nuff said.
• X-Force - The most murdering-est team in Marvel even has their own "Kids" funpack lol.

That red in their eyes is blood-lust!

Who did they leave out? Where is the line? Sin-Eater? Carnage? *Hitler?

I mean at this point, I think they have made pretty much everyone! Again, not that I think Marvel and DC shouldn't market to kids, but some characters just look so silly once they are cute-inized. Punisher doesn't smile, he hasn't smiled since his family died! Seeing Galactus, Punisher, and Red Skull smile cracks me up and creeps me out all at once. Maybe some of these characters should just be saved for when "Timmy" gets a bit older...

*He's in the first issue with Captain America so yes I'm saying he's a Marvel character

P.S. I'm not just beating up on Marvel. I know DC has some ridiculous "Kids Toys" too but their "Kids" site "JohnnyDC" was REALLY hard to navigate. Good Hustle DC!

P.P.S. Speaking of "Kid Friendly." I'd have watched this show...