JimmyGlenn!!!: Re-Action Figures

Sunday was my cousin's son C.J.'s third birthday party. Because of said party, I had an excuse to go to Toys R Us and mess around. Now initially I went there intending to buy C.J. a kick-ass present and a little something for his older brother Nicholas, my godson. However, once there I made an amazing discovery.

Because its some sort of 25th Anniversary for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (idk if its 25 years of the comic, the cartoon, or the figures.

.), they are re-releasing the original TMNT action figures in their original packaging.

I decided I needed to have one since my social-worker mother gave all my toys away to the homeless.

Since I have never had the urge to: lead, do machines, or be cool but rude, I bought Michelangelo. He always has, and forever will be the turtle I identify with most.

I was really excited about my investment, but unfortunately I had to go to C.J.'s party and play with their toys before

I was able to play with my own.

Real Quick...

I ended up getting C.J. a Go! Diego! Go! Action Figure, and a Quad he could ride on. I got Nicholas a Ninja Turtle, again Michelangelo, that came with an Exo Squad-like mech for him to ride in.

Back to my toys.

When I finally got home I was reminded of the arduous task that was liberating the ninja weapons from their plastic chastity-frame. As a 23-year-old adult I struggled. That struggle made me realize how much my parents truly love me. I know damn well that I had neither the patience, nor the dexterity to do this as a kid, and my poor parents had to endure this inane task for each and every one of my numerous Ninja Turtles figures. Mom and Dad, if you are reading this (they don't) I love you.

That brings me to this...

WTF is this thing? It came with every Ninja Turtle back in the day, but I know neither its name or purpose. As a kid this weapon perplexed me, and it still does today. I assume it is some sort of stabbing weapon, akin to brass-knuckles. Whatever it is, I just remember having a stockpile of these strange, seemingly useless, weapons in my basement.

If anyone knows wtf it is I would love to know. I don't even think its a real martial arts weapon.

In any event this bring me to one final point. Here are some facts about 80's toys:

EVERYONE had the superman with the Kryptonite ring. (Greatest use of magnets ever)
Everyone had the Karate Chop Action Robin, and his arm always broke.
When Batman's belt broke off he had a big hole in his torso.
There were a million different Batman figures. The same mold, just different colors.
Bebop always lost his hands. I have seen more hand-less Bebops than there are hand-less homeless kids in the marketplace in Agrabah.
The pizza shooter was used as a weapon to ward off siblings.
The Ghostbusters Firehouse was the shit, but it seems NO ONE was allowed to use the slime that came with it.
Once a G.I. Joe's rubber band broke he was a corpse on the battlefield.
Everyone had one toy their father fixed with super-glue. That statuesque toy was as actionless as all of Todd McFarlene's sports "action" figures.
Ecto-1 and the Turtles Van were the two greates vehicles you could own as a child because EVERYONE fit in them.
The Ghostbuster's helicopter lost is rotor's but we all still pretended it could fly.